Wednesday, December 12, 2012

LIBERATION - CHAPTER 1



Chapter 1
May 23…Three Years Later
            It was the last day of final exams, and nobody gave a shit. Nobody cared that the school year was over or that our time here had drawn to a close. There were no conversations about upcoming summer trips, no discussions regarding the pursuit of future degrees. The only thing people were talking about was Lester Mitchell. The story was on everyone’s lips. You couldn’t go anywhere without hearing his name or being reminded of his horrific crime. And for some imbecilic reason, everyone was afraid that he would come here, as if there was a perfectly rational explanation for him to visit Marlboro, New Jersey. I doubt Lester Mitchell was even aware of this good-for-nothing town’s existence. But then again, I suppose it’s only human nature to assume the worst, even if the worst is comprised of the most unusual circumstances.
            Aside from the victims’ family and friends, I believe that it was I who felt the most severely impacted by these murders. The news had grasped my mind and shaken it, causing a plethora of emotions and thoughts to rattle tumultuously through my mind. My perspective of Lester Mitchell was, for lack of a better term, conflicted. His crimes were so sadistic, so terrible, that I couldn’t help but detest him with the rest of the country. And yet, I also sympathized with him. I couldn’t help but see things through his vantage point. His crimes were sadistic and terrible, yes, but what if there was a reason for them? Perhaps something horrible had happened in his life, something that had driven him to the brink of insanity and pushed him into murdering those people. Perhaps there was more to the story than everybody realized. Perhaps the answer lied in the word that he had written in blood on the wall of the murder scene…
In some twisted, perverse way, Lester Mitchell and I shared a connection. The only difference between us was that he had succumbed to his urges, and I had not. And the fact that this mere difference was all that separated me from a killer reviled me.
            The sky was empty save for a fervent sun, showering its warmth upon everything below it. The beautiful weather almost mocked the day’s tragic events. Clutching the straps of my book bag, I strolled through the green pasture that was my campus. It would be the last time I ever walked it as a student, and yet I felt no sorrow, no nostalgia. Instead I felt disturbed, intrigued, curious. Troubled faces were all around me. As I surveyed these perturbed faces, I found myself wondering whether I was looking at some kind of alternate past. I found myself pondering, Is this how things would’ve been if I had made a different choice three years ago? Would everyone be talking about me and what I did? Would I have been reduced to a monster, a masochistic brute who takes pleasure in inflicting pain upon others? Would everyone despise me? Would the atmosphere be as melancholy and sullen as this? I paused the music blasting through my headphones to eavesdrop on a nearby conversation.
            “I can’t believe they haven’t found him yet,” Jeff Honovich was saying to a black student I didn’t recognize.
            “That’s because they’re not looking for him.”
            “What do you mean?”
            I slowed my pace to hear what kind of garbage this black kid was about to spew. Only an hour ago, I heard one idiot tell his friends that he was Lester Mitchell’s third cousin on his mother’s side.
            “Don’t you think it’s weird that an army of cops can’t find one man? They know who he is, what he looks like. So why the hell haven’t they found him yet?” The question was obviously rhetorical, yet Jeff responded with a shrug of his shoulders.
            “I’ll tell you why,” continued the black kid. “The cops were in on it.”
            The words drifted into my ears and rolled my eyes back with disgust. I sped away before I could tread on anymore of his bullshit. There’s always a lunatic rummaging through the facts, searching for some ludicrous conspiracy theory that isn’t actually there.
Next, I came across a group of young women. They were the kind of girls that usually made my flesh crawl; grotesque and horrid on the inside, but outside, they were beautiful…though none of them were as beautiful as her.
“Have you guys actually seen Lester Mitchell?” asked Jen. I couldn’t recall her last name, but I recognized her blonde hair with its pink streaks from my Consumer Behavior class.
“Obviously,” said the brunette. “His face is all over the news.”
Jen hesitated before asking, “Is it weird that I think he’s hot?”
Priscilla Chan clasped a hand over her mouth and giggled like an elementary school girl. “Oh my God! I’m not even going to lie. I thought the same thing!”
Revulsion twisted my lips into a frown. These girls wouldn’t be caught dead speaking to me, and yet they’re attracted to a perverse, blood-thirsty psychopath. For the briefest of moments—and I’m ashamed to admit this—I couldn’t help but wonder what these girls would have thought of me if I had taken a different route three years ago. The thought repulsed me more than their words. I turned away from the conversation, only to find myself in the midst of another.
“I cannot wait for them to catch this guy,” snarled Anthony Bona. “When they do, they should reinstate the death penalty in Jersey. Just for him.”
Becky Ramirez looked appalled to hear her boyfriend’s stance. I could detect the scent of a potential argument brewing between them. Again, I slowed my pace, just to hear how hostile their debate was about to get.
 “I’m sorry, Becky,” said Anthony, though he didn’t sound the least bit apologetic. “But Lester Mitchel deserves to die. I’d do it myself if I could.”
“Then you’re just as sick as he is!” she retorted.
“So what would you do? Lock him away in prison and let him live out the rest of his life? He doesn’t deserve that! He’s a fucking maniac.”
“Exactly! Lester Mitchel is certifiably insane, Anthony. Literally. Or did you not hear? They just discovered that he has a history of mental illness. He takes medication and everything.” I had actually overheard this piece of news earlier. Apparently, Anthony had not.
“So what?” he asked.                         
“OK, listen. Was what he did horrible? Absolutely. But you have to take into account that the man had no idea what he was doing! There’s no—”
“Bullshit! He knew exactly what he was doing!”
“—justice in handing a life sentence, or the death penalty, to someone who’s mentally ill,” continued Becky. “Lester Mitchell should be committed to an institution where he can actually be treated.”
Now it was Anthony’s turn to look appalled. “Institution? Like a mental hospital?”
“Yes, you ass. Like a mental hospital.”
“Yeah, sure. Send him over to St. Matthew’s. I’ll treat him myself.”
As the distance between this bickering couple and I grew, Anthony’s snarling voice and Becky’s high-pitched whine faded into nothingness. Such a shame. Their conversation had been pretty entertaining.
I resumed my normal pace and continued into the parking lot, stuffing my headphones into my jeans pocket along the way. The old Jeep was there to meet me, its front bumper dented and its tail light shattered from two separate collisions. The scratches that covered its black body, however, were not my fault. They were key marks, reminders of my fond high school years. I could pay to have them fixed—if I had a job—but the marks that high school had left on my mind would never fully heal. I climbed into the car, slipped the key into the ignition, and gave it a turn. You would expect the engine to immediately start running because, you know, that’s how it’s supposed to work. But no. On a good day, it takes two turns for this engine to actually kick into gear. So I gave it another try, and voila—the hunk of junk was up and running. But then I remembered Lester Mitchel, and a grimace found its way onto my face. It was hard to call such a tragic day a good one.
Rather than dwell on how I failed my Sociology final, I reflected on all the madness I heard throughout the day. What Lester Mitchell did to that poor family. How Lester Mitchell had eluded the police and was now seeking refuge in Marlboro. That Lester Mitchell had a history of mental illness. That Lester Mitchell had only evaded capture because the cops were somehow involved in his crime. That Lester Mitchell should be sent to an insane asylum. So many conversations, so many words from so many different mouths, and yet no one had breathed a word about…well, the word. Not a single person had mentioned—what I found to be—the most peculiar and intriguing detail of the entire story. It wasn’t how Lester Mitchell escaped the police or why he committed such an inhumane crime. It was a very minute detail, one I couldn’t understand, a single word that aroused my curiosity like no other.
It was several minutes before I realized that my hands were steering the car without the attention of my mind. I always found it odd when that happened. And also slightly dangerous. So I turned on the radio to keep myself in the present. But instead of hearing the poppy, mainstream hits that I usually loathed, my ears filled with the clash of argumentative voices.
“I don’t get it, Ronny. I really don’t. How in the world does someone like Lester Mitchell manage to escape the police? How?”
“I have no idea,” said the DJ named Ronny. “But those cops should be ashamed of themselves. They—”
My fingers interjected by switching to the next station. I had spent the majority of my day listening to stories about Lester Mitchell. All I wanted to do now was bob my head to some crappy, irritably optimistic music.
“If anyone has any information regarding Lester Mitchell, anything at all, please don’t hesitate to call the local autho—”
I changed it again.
“—and Lester Mitchell has still not been caught. He is still—”
And again.
“—Mitchell is armed and dangerous. Do not attempt—”
 “—whereabouts are unknown—”
I turned off the radio with a clenched fist. The story was truly everywhere. Everyone and their mothers were infatuated with Lester Mitchell. Including my own.
“Did you hear what this lunatic did?” asked Alice the second I walked through the door. There was no “Hello, how are you?” or “How were finals?” or “How do you feel about being done with school?” There was only Lester Mitchell and his ghastly crime. Not that I really cared.
Her question made me scowl. What the fuck did she expect? That I was the one person in New Jersey, or even the Tri-State area, who hadn’t heard this news? That I was stupid and uninformed as to what was occurring in the world around me? “Obviously,” I snapped. “It’s all everyone’s talking about.” I tossed my bag pack onto the living room sofa and glanced at the TV. A news anchor was speaking off screen, but I couldn’t hear her words; I was mesmerized by the photograph in her place. It portrayed a young man in his late 20s-early 30s, with eyes so dark they appeared as black as bottomless pits. He had a large, toothy grin that didn’t seem to fit his narrow face. But even with that immense smile, the man was undeniably handsome. If it wasn’t for his long, brown hair, sticking up every which way as if he had just been struck by lightning, he actually would’ve looked sane.
Disbelief spun me toward the dining room. My parents were setting the table, but their eyes were glued to the TV. “That’s Lester Mitchell?” I asked them.
“That’s him,” confirmed Frank. “Why?”
I squinted at the photograph on the screen, as though the image was opaque when really, it couldn’t be any more vivid. “I don’t know. You hear the name Lester Mitchell, and you don’t exactly picture that.”
Chairs scraped along the hardwood floor behind me.
“Yes, he was quite good looking.”
Is,” corrected Frank. “He’s still alive. And still a free man.”
“Well, hopefully that won’t be the case for much longer. Come sit down and eat, Tyler. And leave the TV on.”
“Wow! Leaving the TV on during dinner? That’s unheard of.” I pulled up a seat, one next to Alice and across from Frank, and joined them in ogling at the screen. But the photograph was no longer there. In its place was a reporter, an African-American woman who was babbling about facts that everyone already knew. I feasted my sights on a bowl of mashed potatoes. My hand reached out to grab it but stopped at the following words, “What you are about to see may be disturbing. Viewer discretion is advised.”
Naturally, my eyes immediately darted back to the TV. And there, plastered on the screen, was an image so haunting that Alice gasped and dropped her knife to the floor. The scene of the crime was a medley of yellow and red. The room was roped off by cautionary tape, branded with big, bold lettering: “POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS.” But all the yellow tape in the world wouldn’t be enough to conceal the blood. The stuff was everywhere, smeared on the walls, the windows, the floor, even on the ceiling. Alice shielded the sight with her hand, as though turning away from the screen wasn’t enough to protect her. The news camera panned across the room to give its audience a better look at the horror show. And then, I saw it. But again, no one mentioned it, not my parents, not the news anchor. It was like the word—inscribed in massive, capital letters—was nothing more than a miscellaneous piece of furniture. Somebody had to acknowledge it.
“What do you think that means?” I asked.
“What does what mean?” inquired Frank, through a mouthful of mashed potatoes. Watching him munch his food so effortlessly, while the scene of a homicide flashed on the TV, made me want to retch.
I frowned. “The word written in blood on the far left wall. Or do you not see it?” The question was rhetorical, but I knew if I waited long enough, he would provide me with an answer. “Why do you think he wrote that?” I added swiftly.
“Five people are dead. Who cares what psychotic babble this lunatic scribbled on a wall?”
Alice shifted her gaze to me; not because she wanted to but because staring at the TV was simply too much to bear.  “Lester Mitchell is a very sick man,” she explained as though that minor detail had somehow eluded me. “Who knows why.”
As stupid as they were, they both had made valid points. And yet, as I stared at the word written in blood across the far left wall, I couldn’t help but feel that maybe, just maybe, there was a deeper meaning behind it.

Friday, December 7, 2012

LIBERATION - Prologue



Prologue
May 23
Silence. Tense, dismal silence. The only sound to hear was my thundering heart. I sat in the front seat of my old Jeep Cherokee. Its body was as black as my corrupted mind…though it wasn’t my fault it had gotten that way. From the parking lot, I stared at the mall in front of me, thinking, thinking. I nibbled at my thumbnail, which, at this point, was practically nonexistent. It was as if I hoped that by reducing my thumbnail, I would also diminish my fears. My knee was bobbing anxiously. They would be here any minute. And once they came…
I ran a hand through my already disheveled brown hair. It was only afterward that I noticed how violently my hand was shaking. I glanced at the face in my rear view mirror, wondering where it had all gone wrong. A gangly, seventeen-year-old goof stared back at me, dark blue eyes wide and frightful. A large scar sat on the border of his hairline, a symbol of his many imperfections. His frantic expression was shouting, pleading for me to help him. Unable to maintain eye contact, I shifted my attention to the passenger seat, where a box was sitting in the place of a person. It was an ordinary box, long and narrow and comprised of cardboard, with nothing particularly special about it. But inside the box…what lied within would change my life forever. I shuddered and turned back to the mall.
The parking lot was full on this gray, melancholy day. Macy’s doors opened and closed as the masses poured in and out the mall. There were couples holding hands, families lugging around strollers and bags of merchandise and small children, teenagers looking for a way to pass the time, even if it meant meandering through a mall for the next few hours. So many people. So many innocent lives. But none of them would get hurt. I would make sure of that.
Minutes were flying off the clock on my dashboard. I started to grow concerned, or maybe relieved, that I had overlooked a step in my plan. But no. How could I have? They always came to the mall on Saturday afternoons, they always entered through Macy’s. I had been following them for weeks. I knew their routine. Did they decide to skip the mall today? Or had they just entered through another store? I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
I went through my mental checklist, again, to ensure that everything had been arranged. The apology note to my parents was sitting in the place of my dad’s shotgun. They were assholes, and although our relationship had soured in recent years, at the very least, I owed them an apology. When they came home from work, they would have no trouble finding it. The tape that would explain my actions was resting on my bed, waiting to be unveiled. By the evening, every news station in the Tri-State area would be playing it. What would my parents think? What would the country think? I sighed, a deep, despairing sigh, and dispelled the thoughts from my mind. What I was about to do…it didn’t involve my parents or anyone else. It only concerned me and—
My heart skipped a beat after I glimpsed some teenagers, one of them donning a blue-and-gold varsity jacket, heading for the Macy’s entrance. But it wasn’t them. My heart resumed its pace from before, pounding away like a wooden stick against its drum. The mistake offered me no relief. It was only delaying the inevitable. But then again, was it inevitable? For perhaps the thousandth time that day, the debate replayed itself in my mind. It was as if the forces of good and evil were clashing inside of me, fighting for the control of my conscience. Should I do it, should I not do it—I didn’t know. The only thing I did know was this: I wasn’t a criminal. I had never broken the law before…aside from trespassing onto St. Matthew’s and purchasing marijuana, that is. And there was only one year of high school left, only one more year of torment and ridicule. After that, we would all part ways, our paths hopefully destined to never cross again. They would take their football scholarships with them to their prestigious, top-tier schools, and I would go to the local community college. Maybe spending another year with them wouldn’t be so horrible. Maybe…
No, I concluded once again. Another year of torture and humiliation was out of the fucking question. They perceived themselves as gods, superior and almighty, when really they were nothing more than pieces of shit, cruel and malicious. There was no reason for them to treat me, or anyone else for that matter, so terribly. We were better than that, we deserved better than that. And they deserved what was waiting for them in that box. I wasn’t a criminal; I was a martyr, a hero. I wasn’t just doing this for me; I was doing it for Shane and Haley and Louis and every other student they’ve victimized and would ever victimize. Besides, there was nothing left for me in this fucked up, vile world after high school. I would go to a community college and then what? Then what the fuck would I do? I possessed no special skills, no talents. My grades were shit. My SAT score was shit. I had no future, no goals, no ambition. My life had been one giant waste…until now.
I reflected on every beating I ever took, on every snide, condescending remark that ever came my way. Fury boiled my blood, and adrenaline coursed through my veins. It wasn’t my fault this was about to happen. It wasn’t my fault that I turned out this way. They made me like this.  They filled me with so much anger, with so much hate. They fucked me up. They could’ve just left me alone, but no, they had to keep harassing me. Even after I warned them, they just laughed in my face and continued. No, this had to be done. I had no other choice. Or did I?
And then, I spotted them. They were coming from the other side of the parking lot, heading for Macy’s doors, just as I knew they would. My heart froze as I counted seven heads, three more than I had anticipated. There were four guys, two of whom had decided to wear their varsity jackets, and three of the most popular, conceited, gorgeous girls in my class. Whatever, I told myself. The girls deserved it too. They would shun me whenever I tried to talk them, as if I was a disease they were afraid of contracting. They would stand by and watch as I and the others like me were brutalized. They never did anything to stop it. They were just as responsible as the rest of them. 
I wondered if the Columbine shooters felt as I did now. Were they as nervous, as frightened? Or were they as heartless and evil as my targets? I heaved another deep sigh to find the courage to proceed. Hands trembling, I reached for the cardboard box beside me…and from it, I withdrew the shotgun. I rested the barrel on my lap and stared at the instrument of death before me…the instrument that I would soon be wielding. I didn’t know the model of the gun, but I knew it was old. It had passed from my grandfather down to Frank, my own father. It was like a Lowd family heirloom. And now there it was, in my clammy hands, waiting to be used.
The group of seven walked toward Macy’s doors, chatting, laughing. Two of the guys were shoving each other playfully. One jock wrapped an arm around the blonde girl’s shoulders. Another pair had their hands intertwined. To them, this was a Saturday like any other. There was nothing peculiar, nothing awry. These assholes had no idea what was coming for them. They didn’t know these would be the last few moments of their lives. 
I didn’t think it was possible, but my heart rate started to quicken. That lump of muscle hammered against my chest, practically on the verge of bursting through. Anxiety intoxicated me. Nausea churned my stomach. My gaze darted from my targets to the rear view mirror, back and forth, searching those wide, glossy eyes for answers. I sent another nervous hand through my hair and then immediately returned it to the gun, as though I was afraid that it would set itself off if I wasn’t holding it with both hands.
The group of seven entered the mall. This was it. My opportunity. It was now or never. Gulping, I stared down at the weapon. At that moment, as I cradled the shotgun in my hands, it all came down to one thing. The debate was no longer about whether I should do it or whether I had to do it—the question was, could I do it?
I took one last deep sigh.
Fuck it.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Chapters 1 and 2


I edited a bit of Chapter 1 and decided to post that as well. If you've already read it, then go ahead and scroll down to Chapter 2. If you need to be reminded of what the hell is going on in the story, or if you hadn't read it yet, then go ahead and start with Chapter 1. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!

Chapter 1
            It was never my intention to return to my father’s house. The old mansion was filled with bad memories and ghosts of a past long forgotten. I lost so many things in there, so many precious belongings. It was there that I had lost a piece of my heart.
When I left for the last time, or what I thought would be the last time, I stormed out of those massive oak doors without ever glancing back, not even for a second. I was seventeen back then, a mere child, alone and frightened. Now I’m twenty-five, a man, still alone, still very frightened.
            The cab driver at the train station didn’t believe it when I first told him. “108 Pleasant Valley Road, please,” I said as I slammed the door shut behind me. The car’s interior was warm but not warm enough. I rubbed my palms together, trying to ebb the winter cold from my hands. When I left Queens, I was overcome with the dreadful suspicion that I had forgotten something. It’s a normal fear, one that I believe everyone experiences before departing on a long trip. This time though my emotions spoke the truth. I had forgotten to pack my leather gloves, a horrible thing to forget in the middle of January. Fortunately, I had a pea coat and beanie, both of them black and woolen, to shield the rest of me.
            “108 Pleasant Valley Road?” The driver turned to look at me, one hand glued to the wheel, the other around the back of his passenger seat. He was an older man, probably in his late 60s, with coarse stubble running along his jaw, cheeks, and upper lip. Long, gray hair protruded from underneath his red beanie, which was pulled down to bushy eyebrows. Dark bags sagged below his eyes, and in his breath were faint traces of rum. The stench should’ve sent me running, but I remained in my seat. “Is this some sort of joke?” he asked, scowling. There was something in that deep, gruff voice of his, some unidentifiable factor, that told me he was uneducated.
            “What’s so funny about it?”
            “Well…nothing. But you said 108 Pleasant Valley Road.”
            “Yes. That’s where I need to go.” ‘Yes.’ Never ‘Yeah.’
            The man gave a brief pause. “Why?”
            Again, I should’ve exited the cab. The man was boorish and intrusive, but instead, I chose to counteract his rudeness with patience. “I live there.”
            The driver wrinkled his red nose with confusion. I felt certain that alcohol was the catalyst for its color, not the cold. “You?” The man looked me up and down, from my beanie to my brown leather boots. “OK, seriously. Is this a joke?”
 “No. It’s not a joke.”
“How the hell did you afford it?” The way he said “you” was so condescending that I felt as if he had spat the word in my face. He took a second to ponder the logic. “Well I guess after what happened, the price must’ve gotten knocked down a bit. But still. It can’t be that cheap. By the way, you do know what happened there, don’t you?”
            His questions were leading to a conversation that I didn’t want to have. My identity was something that I had always sought to stray from. It was like a very dark, very large shadow, constantly shrouding me in its shade. My name was just one of the reasons I left home. But in this case, I decided to make an exception. I needed someone to bring me to my destination, and this was the only taxi at the train station. “I didn’t buy it,” I explained. “I inherited it. Can we please just get going?”
            “Inherited it?” A mixture of understanding and intrigue suddenly illuminated the driver’s face. “You’re related to Charles McCormick? Who are you, his son?”
            I sighed and reached numb fingers for the door handle.
            The driver lifted his hands into the air, as if conceding.  “OK, OK, I get it. No more questions. No need to get feisty. I’m just curious, is all. Just sit back and relax. I’ll bring you to the house.” And so I withdrew my hand from the door handle and away we went.
We traveled in silence, though it was never truly quiet. My head was buzzing with troubled thoughts and agonizing memories. From the darkest corners of my mind, I could hear my father’s voice bellowing at me. I could see the shadows lurking in the halls, always shifting, always present. I spent the entirety of the trip staring out my window, but every now and then, my peripherals would catch the driver glancing at me from his rear view mirror. I’m sure his head was buzzing noisily as well; buzzing with questions and curiosity. Thankfully, he never spoke. The next time he did was to tell me that we had arrived. But I had already known that, ever since we made the right onto Reid’s Hill. Whenever I glimpsed that street sign, I would get a horrible, sinking feeling in the pit of my chest. And then I knew…I was on my way home.
After that right turn, my stomach contorted until it felt exactly how Reid’s Hill looked. We followed the street’s twists and curves, winding this way and that. There were times where I was certain that the rum would cause the cabby to veer off the path and into the trunk of a tree. Luckily, we managed to avoid that potentially fatal scenario.  
The road, which was as narrow as a road could possibly be, was in the boondocks, in a desolate, wooded area that sat on the outskirts of town. It was, quite literally, in the middle of nowhere. The nearest store was a thirty minute drive, though cars were seldom seen here. The road spanned approximately twenty miles and held only five houses, all of them humongous. And one of them now belonged to me. Besides that, there was very little life on Reid’s Hill, save for the abundance of trees that ran along either side of the street. Back here, there were no neighborhoods, no street lights or traffic lights, not even a stop sign. The only other road in the area was the one to which I was now heading. There were no cyclists or joggers, no neighbors on an afternoon stroll, no children playing in the street. Every now and then, we would pass the opening of a driveway, which eventually led to one of the mansions. Other than that, it was a dead, vacant place, especially during winter. Without the greens of a summer forest, the area appeared dreary and foreboding. The trees reminded me of black skeletons, their empty boughs reaching out like gnarled, groping fingers. Growing up in this area, I felt as if I had been shunned from society, like my family and I had been exiled into the forest for some ghastly crime.
Up ahead, on the side of the road, I spotted the decaying carcass of a male deer. Presumably, most people would turn away, too disgusted to look on, but I was infatuated by the sight. One of the animal’s legs had snapped clean off, as if it was more no more than a brittle twig. Its mouth was gaping; but not as much as the enormous hole in the deer’s torso, where it was rotting from the inside out. I absorbed it, engraved the image into my memory for the entire ten seconds that it took us to reach the carcass and drive past it. Perhaps I would use the visual for one of my stories. The next sight to meet my eyes, however, was one much more unsettling: the end of Reid’s Hill. Straight ahead lied only a blockade of woods. There was only one way to go now. Left would lead me to my destination, carrying me back to the hell that I had escaped several years prior…
Pleasant Valley Road, they called it. How ironic; living on this street had been anything but pleasant. Nevertheless, I was home.
The driver turned left onto the street, though I had never really thought of it in that way. This path took you directly to the front gate, to the only house on the paved trail. My house. Because of this, I had always perceived Pleasant Valley Road as a continuation of my driveway, not as a street.
It was at this point when the cabby said, “Well, we’re here.”
And so we were. It was another narrow path, straight but precipitous. The taxi climbed up the steep hill, up to where the only thing that awaited me was a dead end. The mansion lingered ominously in the distance, while at the same time looming closer and closer with every second. Even from the bottom of Pleasant Valley Road, the house was still in scope, its many towers and spires reaching for the darkening sky above. My body shuddered, though not from the cold.
The cab slowed to a stop before the main entrance. For most people, this was the barrier, the spot where Pleasant Valley Road ended and the driveway to McCormick Manor began. It was a fifteen foot tall, wrought iron gate, as black as the approaching night. Its bars were twisted extravagantly into a sea of iron swirls. On the left door was a large, golden “C” imbedded into the iron, on the right a golden “M.” It was the original gate of Charles McCormick I, my great, great grandfather, with a few technological features added by Charles McCormick III, my late father. The gate was stuck in between two stone columns, each of which was topped with a black lamppost and security camera. The lights wouldn’t flicker on until 7 PM—that was how my father had set it—but the surveillance cameras were always on, always watching.
The columns on either side of the gate stretched out into walls, stretched and stretched until they enclosed the entire estate, as if being in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a gigantic forest, wasn’t reclusive enough. In the right wall was a second wrought iron gate, a significantly smaller one that bore a keyhole. This was the entrance to the gatehouse. There, the guards would wait and watch for approaching visitors. Or at least they used to. The gatehouse had been empty since my early adolescence. That was before my father decided to fire every worker and servant on the grounds, before the guards’ jobs were made obsolete by the innovations that were flaunted on the left column: a key pad and an intercom.
When I glanced into the rear view mirror, I could see the astonishment in the driver’s eyes. “So what now? You got to enter a code or something?”
“I do. Hold on.” I reached a hand into my left jeans pocket. My fingers groped a set of keys, approximately two dozen of them, one for each car in the house. But the most significant of them all was the master key.
“I haven’t been this close to this place in about…” The cabby took a second to reflect on his last visit to McCormick Manor. “…forty-five years.”
I rummaged through my pocket a bit more until I felt the icy touch of some forgotten loose change. Slightly irritated, I withdrew my hand, empty. “Forty five years? What brought you here?”
“Curiosity, I suppose. Me and a few of my buddies would sneak over here, just to get a look at the place. We were only dumb kids back then, ya know.” He gave a tight-lipped smile as he recalled younger days and blithe times. “But still…” His voice trailed off as he absorbed the sight before him. “…it would amaze us every time.”
I stuck a hand into my right pocket and groped another set of keys. I smiled. These keys opened the door to my Queens apartment, a small, one bedroom space that cost a mere $1000 a month. The other set unlocked my multi-million dollar mansion. It was as though each pocket represented a different world, a different life. Most people would probably toss away the former keys for the latter. I, however, didn’t plan on staying at McCormick Manor for very long. Or at least, so I hoped.
At last, I found what I was looking for, buried beneath my leather wallet. My fingers closed on the slip of paper.  “I don’t suppose you ever got past this gate?” I asked.
“No, no. We didn’t dare climb the walls. Too high.” After a brief hesitation, the cabby added, “And illegal too, of course. Besides, if we ever got caught, old man McCormick—I guess that was your grandfather—would’ve hung us by our feet from the highest window in the house!” His grin became reflected in the rear view mirror, permitting me a glimpse of grotesque, yellow teeth. “There were always the craziest stories about old man McCormick.”
A grimace found its way upon my face. I, too, had heard the stories about Charles McCormick II, most of them from the lips of my own father. There wasn’t a snippet of truth to any of them. I knew my grandfather, perhaps better than anyone else, but I wasn’t about to delve into that now, with a slightly drunken stranger. My father on the other hand…he was the tough one.
“My grandfather was a tough man from what I’ve heard” was my only reply. I retrieved a clenched fist from the depths of my pocket and climbed out of the cab. The cold bit into my flesh and made me shiver. I sprinted to the main entrance. Just to appease my curiosity, I grasped the iron bars and pushed. The doors moved an inch before clanking to a stop. The gate’s lock was as secure as ever. My neck craned back so that I could glimpse the top of the gate. It towered a good ten feet above me. Well, nine feet and three inches to be exact. Even if the gate was unlocked, I doubt that I possessed the strength to push it open.
I hurried to the left column, where the intercom and key pad awaited. I could sense the security camera watching me overhead. It was like the eye of my father, glowering down at me with typical disapproval. I glanced at the piece of paper clenched in my fingers. 0523, it read. With trembling fingers, I punched the digits into the keypad. It felt…odd to hit those numbers. The code had always been 0124, my mother’s birthday. But that was eight years ago, before I vacated the premises and vowed never to return. Never truly isn’t long enough…
The sound of slow, steady creaking drifted into my ears as the gate doors pushed open. It was then that I came to a sudden realization. I gaped at the paper, no longer aware of the cold, no longer in touch with my emotions.
From behind me came a loud honk. Startled, I spun around to find the cabby waving me impatiently into the car. I followed his gesture and climbed back into my seat.
“Are you alright, kid?” He hit the gas, propelling us through the gate, bypassing the vacant gatehouse, a brick shack that was probably nicer than most people’s homes. “What were you doing, just standing there?”
 I could hear the gate creaking shut behind us. Once the code was punched in, the visitor had about fifteen seconds to pass through the gate before the doors automatically began to close. “Yes. I’m fine.” But that was a lie. I felt befuddled, lost. My father had never shown any indication that he loved me, not even a shred of concern for my existence. That’s why, when his lawyer gave me the gate’s code, it never occurred to me that its numbers coincided with my birthday. As disturbed as he was, my father loved my mother, there was no denying that. He adored her, worshipped the ground she walked on. And so, in her honor, he made her birthday the entrance code to McCormick Manor. It was almost poetic in a way. It was as if he were trying to say that she had been the code, the gateway, to his blackened heart. So what did this mean for me? Did this miniscule detail imply that my father did in fact care for me? I stared at the slip of paper in my hand, as if I were expecting to find the answer scribbled somewhere upon it. Perhaps it would come to me during my stay in the old house. Frustrated, I shoved the paper into my pea coat pocket, along with my confusion.
“Holy shit. This place is huge!”                     
Huge was an understatement. I lifted my eyes to observe the land that I had never expected to see again. The driveway was long and wide, wide enough for two cars to drive abreast, and was comprised of red and grey pavers. But there was one thing that it sorely missed: the cherry blossom. My mother’s favorite tree. Any other season, the cherry blossoms would stand on either side of the driveway, from the front gate all the way to the house. Their boughs, normally covered with gorgeous pink flowers, would stretch overhead to create a sort of canopy. The trees were almost like a welcoming party, ushering the guest toward McCormick Manor. Their beauty seemed to promise the visitor happiness and good tidings. Unfortunately, the house had never given me much of either. But during winter, the trees were skeletons, bare and dead. There was a foreboding eeriness emanating from their black trunks that made me feel like a trespasser in my own home. And beyond these trees was nothing, nothing but acres among acres of brown grass, long and unkempt.
Finally, my eyes settled on the main attraction. I didn’t want to see it, but we were now so close, or maybe the house was just so big, that it could no longer be ignored. The mansion had been in my view since the bottom of Pleasant Valley Road, like a permanent fixture in the horizon. Why anyone would want a house so large was beyond me, though I did know the who, how, and when of the story. Built in 1907, the mansion was the birth child of a lucrative oil business, a monument that was erected by Charles McCormick I. The establishment stood daunting and humongous on approximately 3,000 acres of wasted land. The amount of trees that had to be chopped down in order for this monstrosity to exist is both astronomical and ungodly. The house was constructed in a chateauesque style. Its steeply-pitched roofs and towers were grey, its walls a stucco beige. Its plethora of windows was dark as pitch, making the house seem even gloomier than usual. But its most enormous attribute was its absurdity. Beautiful though it was, the house was a colossal joke. It was too huge for any normal mind to fathom, which would adequately explain my cab driver’s amazement.
“This is...I mean …excuse me, but holy shit…wow…” He shook his head and chortled, too flabbergasted for words.
The dead cherry blossoms dwindled away as we reached the end of the driveway, a giant cul-de-sac with a fountain standing at its center. I’ve always found this fountain creepy, especially now, without any water streaming down it. At the very top sat a little cherub figure who was anything but adoring. He bore a mischievous grin and eyebrows that were as steeply-arched as McCormick Manor’s roofs.
The cab swung around the fountain and halted at the front doors. I stared at them, reluctant and wary. I couldn’t see his face, but I knew that the driver had joined my gaze. “This is really some place you got here. I can’t even imagine having something like this. You’re a lucky man. Hell, you must be one of the wealthiest people in the country!”
“I suppose I am.”
His eyes were now on my face. The envy inside of them burned into my flesh, while the faint stench of rum wafted into my nostrils. “Well, that’ll be $44.75. I bet that’s nothing more than a penny for you, huh?”
I retrieved the wallet from my jeans. I pulled out $100 before returning the leather item into my pocket. “Don’t tell anybody that you took me here today.”
He instantly snatched the money. “Kid, I don’t even know your first name. What is your name anyway? You another Charles?”
His unsavory assumption prompted me to say, “No. I’m Andrew.” The greatest gift my father ever gave me, one far better than this oversized mansion, was not making me Charles McCormick IV. Although, I suppose I should really be thanking my mother for that. Apparently, she had despised the name Charles.
“Well Andrew McCormick, you have nothing to worry about. I won’t tell no one that I brought you here, not a soul. You have my word on that.”
I thanked him, even though I knew he was lying. I was just about to exit the vehicle when the driver cried, “Hey, wait! How am I supposed to get out of here? I don’t have a code or anything.”
“The gate opens automatically when someone approaches it from the inside.”
The cabby seemed both impressed and enlightened. “Ohhhhh. Got ya.” After wishing me good luck, and being sure to mention “If you ever need someone to housesit, or if you ever just want to give away a million dollars, call me!” and then handing me his phone number, I climbed out of the taxi and closed the door. I walked to the rear of the car to find the trunk already jutting open. I retrieved the navy blue suitcase, set it down on the red and grey pavers, and shut the trunk. Almost immediately, the taxi took off. It went around the cul-de-sac, up the driveway, and through the dead cherry blossoms, shrinking into the distance.
I turned to confront my old nemesis. I was now alone. Alone with the house and all of the memories we shared together. At least for the time being. The weather was cold but not cold enough to hurry me into McCormick Manor. Instead, I stood there gaping at those immense oak doors. They were like the jaws of a predator waiting to swallow me whole. Four stories of windows glared down at me, balefully. The old beast had probably gotten a whiff of my scent, both familiar and new, coming down the driveway. Its jaws were most likely salivating, starving for a new soul to consume. I pulled up the retractable handle of my suitcase, my grip on it so tight that my knuckles began to blanch. With a deep breath, I took my first step forward, and then another, and then another. Before I knew it, I was walking, walking toward the entrance. My heart thundered loudly in my chest, as though announcing the onslaught of a vicious storm. I only hoped that I could survive it. I knew what awaited me inside, and I was uneager to confront it. But I had to, needed to.
I had stormed out those doors eight years ago, absolutely certain that I would never return. And now here I was, about to walk through them again, almost as if I had never left.








           
           


           




Chapter 2
            It was a golden afternoon, but you would never know it. The maroon curtains were drawn together so tightly that not even a ray of sunlight could shimmer through.  The children’s laughter resonated throughout the enormous foyer. They were only two boys, but the way their howling echoed off the dark yellow walls, you would think there were more. They ran gleefully down the stairs, one boy a few paces ahead of the other. Coated with a maroon carpet, the staircase was wide with an iron railing on either side. Step after step after step, the boys descended; the staircase felt endless, until finally they stepped onto sleek, gleaming marble tiles. Most of them were white, some black. If you peered over the second floor railing, the one overlooking the foyer, you would see a giant, black swirl in the center of the white floor. It was like a massive serpent. Its head started out small and narrow, but its tail grew thicker and larger as it twisted around and around the room. Looking down, you would also glimpse an array of ostentatious items, the sort of things that you would come across in an antique store but wouldn’t touch for fear of accidentally breaking them. There were vases, big ones and small ones, oiled paintings, wooden furniture, and farce plants that looked so real, one would think they had been placed on the wrong side of the house. Hanging from the ceiling, high overhead, were iron chandeliers, their lights encased in a dozen glowing orbs.
“Time out! Hold on a second!” exclaimed the boy who was lagging behind. He slowed down his running so that he may catch his breath. He bent over and grasped knobby knees, his chest heaving.
The boy in front spun around. He crossed his arms and shook his head, staring at his friend in disapproval. He was just as exhausted, his breaths just as heavy, but the child tried to conceal it. “Come on! I thought you said you were fast!” he taunted.
“I am!” snapped the one who had halted the game. Breathing deeply, he feverishly sought to calculate his opponent’s next move. His eyes darted to the massive oak doors that stood to his left. No, he thought. He won’t go through there. The doors are too big and heavy to waste time opening. His gaze dashed into the dining room, into the billiards room, into one of the living rooms. The foyer led to them all, through large arches adorned with extravagant molding.
It was when the boy looked into the music room that his eyes met those of a servant; a man whose name he did not know, though he saw him nearly every day. The butler spoke to him, not with his lips but with his expression. It warned him, pleaded with him, not to run through the house.
“Are you almost ready?” asked the second boy, arms still folded. “I’m getting bored.”
Suddenly, the laggard smirked. He had just conceived a brilliant idea. “No. I’m not rea—TIME IN!” Those last two words seemed to come out of nowhere, blurting from his mouth, meshing with the ones that preceded it. He lunged forward, hands outstretched. But the other boy was too quick. He whirled out of reach and ran through the foyer, chuckling merrily as he did. “You’ll have to do better than that if you want to catch me!” he called back.
Frowning, the boy chased after him. Around and around the foyer, the duo went. The sound of their thudding footsteps filled the room. The laggard’s agitation pushed him forward, motivated him to go faster. He had to catch his friend, he just had to. The boy grew closer, closer, so close. His foe was only a few inches away now. He extended a hand, his fingers, reaching out for his enemy’s shoulder, reaching, reaching…
And then his hip collided into the edge of a table.
When the glass shattered, the noise that came was catastrophic. The boy in front skidded to a stop and whirled around. His friend was already at a standstill, both hands clutching an aching hip. But what filled his eyes wasn’t pain. It was fear. Together, the two friends gaped at the fragments sprawled across the floor. The foyer’s high walls had amplified the noise, making it sound as if a glass statue had tipped over and broken. But judging by the scarce bits and pieces, it had only been a small item. The glass shards gleamed as brightly as the marble tiles beneath them. A minute ago, these two boys had been the only souls in the foyer. Now, half a dozen servants were suddenly materializing, summoned there by a mess that demanded cleaning.
            “ANDREW!” Stern and dominant, the voice boomed angrily off the walls. There was only one Andrew in the house, yet everyone glanced up when they heard the name.
            The speaker continued down the staircase. With each declining step, the tension in the foyer escalated. Every pair of eyes was on him, following him down, down, down to the marble floor. But his own eyes, hazel, glaring, and fierce, were meant for only one person. The man’s footsteps were slow, torturously slow, but the fury emitting from his body could’ve caused the ground to quake beneath them. His brown hair was slicked to the side and glimmered beneath the chandelier’s lights. He was a tall man, not handsome but not homely either. His suit was a charcoal gray, matched with a black vest and a white and gray striped tie. Both arms were behind his back, his right hand clasped around his left wrist. He was well-groomed and finely polished, from his recently trimmed fingernails to his neatly parted hairstyle. His lips were pursed unpleasantly, a thin moustache hovering above them.
The man stepped onto the marble with shiny, black leather shoes. His heels clicked loudly against the tiles. The sound echoed throughout the foyer, piercing the tension that hung somberly in the air. He weaved around a butler and a maid and walked right through the mess, his feet crunching over broken glass. Not once did his gaze leave the boy’s face.
The man stopped before the boy clutching his hip. For a moment, the two stared at each other, one pair of eyes glowering, the other wide and frightful. “Andrew, did you do this?” The man’s voice was cold, deep, like a chasm in a glacier.
            Eight-year-old Andrew lowered his head shamefully. His hands dropped hopelessly at his sides. His hip was still aching, throbbing, begging to be rubbed, but he was no longer worried about that. “Yeah.”
            “‘Yes’,” corrected his father. “Never ‘Yeah.’”
            Andrew gave a solemn nod of his head to show that he understood.
             “Not to worry, Mr. McCormick. I’ll clean it right up.” A butler—the one who had warned Andrew not to run through the house—rushed over with a broom and standing dustpan. But the disdainful look he received made him stop dead in his tracks.
            “That won’t be necessary. My son will do it. Now leave us. All of you. And leave the broom and dustpan too, Gerald. Martha, come collect your son.” Everyone did as they were told. The servants vacated the foyer. Gerald leaned the broom and dustpan against the wall and then vanished just as quickly as he had appeared. Martha wrapped an arm around her son’s shoulder and led him from the room. The boy gave his friend one last fleeting look before he, too, disappeared. But Andrew was too busy staring at the floor to notice.  
            They now stood alone in the giant room, father and son, with nothing but tension to accompany them. “Tell me. How did you break it?”
            “John and I—”
            Look at me when you speak.” His father’s voice came as a dangerous growl.  
            Reluctantly, Andrew lifted his gaze to the stern face of Charles McCormick III. “John and I were playing.” His words were as soft and meek as a mouse’s footsteps.
            “Playing what?” Charles demanded.
            “Tag.”
            “Tag? So then you were running through the house?”
“Yea—I mean, yes,” Andrew corrected.
            “‘I’ve told you several times before not to run in the house. You remember me telling you that, don’t you?” The boy said nothing. He hoped that silence would remedy the situation, that in time, the problem would just resolve itself and he would be spared any punishment. Instead, his father brought his hands from behind his back and rested them at his sides, which only made Andrew feel more frightened. Charles took a moment to absorb his son’s shame and fear. For the briefest of moments, the left side of his lip twitched into a smirk. “Do you even know what you broke?”
Andrew bit his lip. He squinted at the glass shards on the floor, trying to piece them back together in his mind. When he couldn’t, he looked at his father with melancholy eyes and shook his head.
“So you broke one of my belongings. And you don’t even know what it was. Do you have any idea what my father would’ve done to me if I had done such a thing?”
Again, the boy shook his head, dreading the answer. Andrew had heard a number of stories about his late grandfather, and none of them were very pleasant. His eyes, wide and anxious, flicked from one of his father’s clenched fists to the other. Charles opened his mouth to speak, but the voice that came was not his own. “That will be enough,” it said.
            Both father and son turned toward the speaker, Andrew looking left and Charles glancing right. “Kaitlin!” The coldness in the man’s voice suddenly dried up and withered away. He gaped at his wife, an appalled look etched into his face. “You should be in bed!”
            “I feel fine, Charles.” Kaitlin McCormick’s words were soft but firm. Ever graceful, she drifted toward her family, her footsteps noiseless in soft, fluffy slippers. She was a slender woman, as beautiful as she was elegant. She was petite, especially beside Charles, yet there was an aura of dominance that hung about her. Her lips were full, her eyes a wondrous amber. Her complexion had always been fair, but today, it looked pale, even sickly. The bags below her eyes spoke of her exhaustion. Though it was only the afternoon, she wore a nightgown, one made from silk as white as her skin. Her hair hung to the mid of her back in brown, natural ringlets. On her body was the most extravagant jewelry that a McCormick could afford. There were diamonds in her ears, golden bracelets clasped around her wrists, and a diamond pendant hanging just above her breasts. Her right hand rested atop her stomach, which was practically bursting through the seams of her nightgown. Kaitlin stared at the broken glass scattered on the floor. “Did you do this, Andrew?”
“Yes.”
She lifted the other hand and placed it gently upon her son’s shoulder.  The large diamond on her ring finger gleamed beneath the chandelier lights, boasting of its immense wealth.  “It’s alright,” she said, soothingly. And with those two little words, all of the fear and tension inside Andrew evaporated, and everything became a bit brighter. It was as if his mother had drawn open the curtains, welcoming sunlight into the foyer so that it could wash over him.
Outraged, a vein bulged from Charles’ temple. “It’s not alright! Look what he did!” He pointed at the mess, as if his fervent wife had somehow failed to see it.
            “It’s only a little bit of glass, Charles,” she said calmly. “And whatever it was, you have the money to buy another.” She squinted curiously at her husband. “Do you even know what it was that Andrew broke?”
            Charles grimaced and heaved his chest defiantly. His cheeks flushed, though whether it was from embarrassment or rage, Andrew could not tell.  “Well, that’s not really the point, is it? Your son was running through the house!”
            Our son,” she corrected scornfully. “And I’m sure he won’t be running through the house anymore. Isn’t that right, Andrew?”
            The boy adamantly shook his head. “No, I won’t.”
            Kaitlin’s lips curved into a satisfied smile. “See? There you have it. No harm done.”
            Meanwhile, Charles’ own lips were pursed unhappily. “Fine.” He shot Andrew a menacing look, as though blaming him, loathing him, for evading punishment. “But I want this mess cleaned up!” he demanded. And with that, Charles McCormick III stormed away, fists clenched tightly at his sides. His heels clicked raucously against the tiles, but as the distance between he and his family grew, Charles’ footsteps grew fainter and fainter. Before long, there was nothing left to hear.
            Andrew immediately reached for the broom and standing dustpan against the wall. But Kaitlin stole them both from his grasp. “No,” she said pleasantly. “I’ll clean it. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” She wandered to the mess and began to sweep.
            Andrew watched his mother, admiring her, loving her. Even the way she moved the broom against the floor was so elegant. “I’m really sorry about the mess,” he apologized sincerely.
            “It’s alright, Andrew,” she assured him, her gaze fixed on the broken glass. “But you have to follow your father’s rules. Please, please, please, don’t run through the house anymore.”
            “I won’t.” He watched a fragment of glass get brushed into the dustpan. “For a minute, I was scared that…” He bit his lip to contain his words. He couldn’t speak his mind. He wanted to, but he couldn’t, he shouldn’t.
            Kaitlin’s amber eyes raced to her son’s face. “You were scared that what?” she asked, her tone deathly serious.
            “I shouldn’t say. It was a stupid thought. I was just scared.”
            “Tell me,” she insisted.
The young boy sighed. Somewhere in that deep breath was the courage he needed to finish his sentence. “I was afraid that Dad was going to hit me.”
The broom and dustpan suddenly fell to the floor with a clatter. Dust and glass skittered out of the pan, but Kaitlin didn’t seem to care. She hurried to her son. One hand gripped the side of his face, the other ran through his dark brown curls. She stared deep into his hazel eyes, those eyes that reminded her so much of her husband’s. “That will never happen,” she told him. “Do you understand me? I will never let him hurt you. You or your little brother.” Her eyes dropped to her swollen belly. Then she gave Andrew a smile of compassion, of love, a smile that only a mother could produce. “As long as I am here,” she began, “he will never, ever hurt you.”